The Truth About Death.

I lost my dad when i was 18, he was 65 and died of hypertension and a stroke. Before this he had been in and out of hospital since i could remember. He battled both types of Diabetes, Angina, high blood pressure, suffered two heart attacks, osteoarthritis and a few other things. He was strong and had been fighting since i was little. He was on a strict diet and had a list of meds he had to take to see him through the day. The last time i heard his voice and saw his face was the night before he died. None of us expected it.  My dad was my best friend and I didn’t get to say goodbye to him. That haunts me everyday. I think about him everyday. I try to remember his voice and smell and things he would say. It helps but hurts at the same time. I didn’t think that i would ever lose him. I mean growing up it’s not something you think about you think your parents will live forever. When you’re a kid you don’t think about the time you have and the time they haven’t got. For years now ive missed him and would give just about anything to even spend one more day with him. I know it’s never going to happen. The only time i see him now is when i look at his pictures or in my dreams. The worst dream i had about my dad was on the night of his death. In the dream everything was normal and he was alive and he was happy. The horrid part was waking up. Knowing he was gone and walking downstairs to his empty chair and the silence. I still have dreams like that from time to time but when I wake I don’t ache for him and cry like i once did. Over these eight years of being without him i still cry for him, truth is i don’t think ill ever get use to it. See with losing someone you can learn to cope but you can’t get over it i mean fuck who can? I’ve tried counselling and even tried to deal with the anger his passing has left me with on the inside. I can’t say im even the same person i was before i lost him. Not having him has changed me. I cherish people more now. I understand the world more because death can open your eyes to life. Eventually you have to get up and live your life because your being on this earth has a meaning. You have a reason. We all have a part to play in the circus of life.

If you’re reading this you might have been through it years ago and you may be able to understand where i’m coming from. Or if you’re just going through it you might think its an answer to a question. We all have the same questions more or less. Such as why them? or Why didnt i do more? etc. Truth is the answers will only come when you can make some peace with everything that has gone on around you. I think it was about four years after my father passed i started to look at everything differently. Everything and everyone has a reason for being here so i want to find what mine is. So i constantly search and try to enjoy my life as i’m searching.

Know All Who Knows Nothing

This morning I woke up and checked my Twitter and I was outraged at what the simple narrow minded cow Katie Hopkins was saying about children with ASD and ADHD.
The ignorant toff nosed bitch was basically saying that children with these neurological disorders were simply just “naughty” children. To say I was pissed off would be an understatement! My son is not a naughty child. Given he can be naughty sometimes but he is disciplined in ways of “the naughty step” or “the naughty corner” along with me explaining to him how he has been misbehaving.
My son struggles to show and understand empathy thus it requires me to talk to him and walk him through feelings and how his actions have consequences.
Katie Hopkins hasn’t got a clue what individual sufferers go through and it pained me to read she called a nine year old girl with autism a twat simply because she could not sit “normally” through an assessment.
I know there are more ignorant people like her in the world and what’s needed is for us to educate the next generation properly and doing so will avoid views such as appalling as this.

Hello world!

Hello World!

I’ve finally decided after much thought that i’m going to blog day-to-day about my life. Not everything in my blogs will be all happy and full of rainbows and unicorn farts. Some of it may turn out to be negative etc but at least ive warned you. Now im going to tell you about me and some of my life so far….

As you’ve read already my names Andrea. I’m a 26-year-old mother of one. Being a mum is the best job in the world but hell does it take it out of you. My son is nearly 6 and as he’s getting older it’s getting tougher for me. See my son is no what you would call “ordinary” child. He has suspected ASD and Damp. He has Echolalia which ill talk more about in a later post or you can just use friendly old Google. He has SCD (Social Communication Disorder),hyper-mobility in his hands. That what i’m meaning when I say it’s getting harder as he gets older as me and his dad are being told every other month that he could have this or that condition. Not every parent knows what struggles we face as a family and are ignorant to it. If i’m being honest though my son wouldn’t be the same boy without all of this. He’s unique and beautiful and has such a pure soul. I’m a proud mother bear.